What are they really saying at that showcase?

This artist needs no introduction = At least one person here seriously underestimates the scale of the job ahead of us

One of the most amazing performers I’ve seen = I either don’t get out much or I’m a spineless sycophant

Feel free to get up and dance = I’ve never played at one of these before

She’s a very accomplished singer, songwriter and producer = She tries to do everybody’s job. Nobody will work with her.

This next artist was signed three years ago = This chick has run out of chances. We’re gonna dump this record on the market and move on.

This next song is about our planet, Mother Earth = Run for hills. In an SUV.

This next artist is one of the most gifted people I’ve met in 21 years at the label = I can’t think of a single specific thing this person does well

This isn’t a gimmick = This is, among other things, a gimmick

What you’re about to hear was recorded in one take = What you’re about to hear has been isolated, compressed, EQ’d, and autotuned. Individual notes have been moved around, an artificial sense of left-right spacing has been created in the mix, reverb has been added and the whole thing has had almost its entire dynamic range removed in mastering, but it was all recorded an the same time, apart from the drums which were done on location and the guitar, which is a sample.

I’ve never sung a song in [language] before = You’re about to hear a pretentious watered down Paul Simon Graceland knockoff.

Thank you for all your support = I hate you, but I’ll never make my sales target without you

See also here.