You can’t tell what a record sounds like by looking at its cover, but you can tell what its creators thought was important. What does your album cover say about you?

Beethoven Piano Concertos

“My label creates stylish, beautiful products. That’s why they didn’t want my face on the cover of this one”


“We’ve got a better chance of selling you this album if you don’t realize it has opera on it”


“Positioning ourselves as the Girls Aloud of classical music is the best thing we can do with record that sounds like this.”

A New Heaven

“We don’t know what’s on this record, but we loosely understand it to involve singing and have run out of oil paintings.”

Catrin Finch

“Don’t call me pretty. I’m uniquely stylish. Please take me seriously. I know I play the harp, but I’m good. I really am.”


“At last: We’ve done an album with a theme we understand well enough to illustrate literally.”

Christopher Gunning

“We found this picture on the internet and think it looks nice. Oh look! They’re all called Gunning.”

A Company of Voices

“We’re the future of music. If there was a choir on the Starship Enterprise, it would be us.”

CSO Resound

“Oh crap. We’ve got to send artwork to the distributors tomorrow. Who is this Daphnis chick again?”Garanca and Netrebko

“We think you’ll be more likely to buy this record if you think it involves girl-on-girl action”


“The best thing we can say about this is that it’s exactly like all our other records.”



Post a comment
  1. kimchikraut #
    May 27, 2009

    I prefer my classics with scowling old Nazis.

  2. Kriskeloo #
    May 30, 2009

    Again, very witty. Do you do stand up?

    • properdiscord #
      June 8, 2009

      Sadly, I’m considerably less funny in person.

  3. Debbie #
    September 1, 2009

    Outstanding – hysterically clever comments indeed! I was about to ask where on earth you ferreted out all these gems, then remembered you mention working in an online music biz on your blog.

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