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The premises of non-profit label New Amsterdam were very badly damaged by Hurricane Sandy.

You can help them get back on their feet here.

It occurs to me that it has been a while since I made fun of their album covers.

This is precisely why I like to read the instructions.

ECM’s x-ray glasses proved to be a surprisingly successful brand extension.

Do you have any other bright ideas?

They could barely contain their excitement.

You’re sure this isn’t an advert for tampons? I bought my poodles and rollerskates.

She wasn’t letting him book the holiday next year.

Does my bum look orange in this?

The lasers were a nice touch, but there was no denying the soup was overseasoned.

It was probably time to admit the photocopier was ruined.

Let’s stare at him until he goes away.

Alright. That’s it. Now I’m going to donate so they can pump the sewage out of their office.

Benjamin Ealovega is one of the most prolific photographers specialising in classical music today. You’ve almost certainly seen his work before – it seems like he has taken the cover photos for several high-profile new releases every month. He recently took some great new promotional photos for one of my clients. I could have just said “Thank you, Ben, for taking such nice pictures of my artists” but oh, no, that would have been too easy.

Besides, he’ll appreciate it more if I make the effort to identify examples of his work and then add inappropriate captions to them. Right?

He knows what he did.

Well, my wallet is gone, but at least I found my pants.

Don’t look now, but there’s a man with a camera behind that tree.

Honestly, officer, I had no idea that room was behind there.

SAY MY NAME

What shall we sing after we rob the casino?

And as they began the long walk back to civilisation, she started to wish there really was a machine gun in her violin case.

And it’s called a violin, you say?

No, really, take your time. I’ll wait here.

Oh yes she did.

Oh no he didn’t.

Don’t push me. I’m close to the edge.

And you’re absolutely sure this won’t look like a mugshot?

You should really choose a safe word. You might need it.

So that wasn’t why you bought me to this remote and secluded location? Well. This is awkward.

I wrote a guest post for Will Robin’s excellent blog on the Rite of Spring. The idea of the blog is for scholars, composers, performers and choreographers to share their experiences of the Rite of Spring. I did think about sharing the story of how the Rite of Spring played a central role in my teenage years, and became the soundtrack to the period in which I decided to pursue a career in music*. But then Will pointed out that I could just make fun of album covers like I always do, so I did that instead.

You can check it out here.

* Not unusual, apparently.

I’ve heard it said that Facebook needs a “dislike” button.

I don’t know much about the corporate culture at Facebook, but at Apple we wouldn’t have gone for this, not out of some bias toward positivity, but because it’s complicated. It adds another button to the UI. Apple doesn’t add buttons to solve problems. It removes them.

What’s really needed is a single button that does both jobs.

As it’s election season in the US and my news feed is flooded with one-sided political rants, I think it’s time to ask Facebook to adopt my suggestion for a single more versatile button:

You think Romney’s grasp of geography is deeply concerning? This confirms your existing opinions. You think Obama only knows how to find Syria because he went there on his apology tour? BAM. Opinions confirmed. You think these two positions are in any way equivalent? Click the button: it was made for you too. You think politics is dumb? Clicketty click. There’s a button for you.

We could probably simplify it a bit. Change the thumbs up/down to some rolling eyes and shorten the text to “heh”, and we’ve got a significant functional improvement, giving people the chance to interact, no matter what they think, without actually communicating any of the dumb opinions we don’t want to hear anyway.

Everyone’s a winner.

Naxos is celebrating its 25th anniversary with, among other things, a book chronicling the company’s official history. One of the most interesting parts of this story is the bit about the origin of the company’s name:

I wanted to buy a condominium. In Hong Kong some people purchase a condominium through a shelf company for tax advantages. I called my lawyer and said, ‘Look, I want to buy a shelf company, what can you offer?’ And I guess they have people who come up with ideas for these companies, and register them, and some guy had gone through all the Greek islands. So my lawyer offered me Crete Ltd, Rhodes Ltd, Lesbos Ltd and I said, ‘No, thank you’. But I liked Naxos Ltd, partly because of Ariadne auf Naxos, Richard Strauss’s opera. So I bought Naxos Ltd and Naxos Ltd bought the apartment. That was in 1985. Then in 1987, there I was, stuck with those masters and looking for a label name, and I said, ‘Well, I own Naxos Ltd, let’s call it Naxos.’

- Klaus Heymann, in The Story of Naxos by Nicolas Soames

What if…

I have a sort of love/hate relationship with Digital Music News. I’m really pleased somebody is trying to do it, but they keep posting stuff that makes me angry.

They do these little bullet-point roundups of what’s going on, often linking to original sources. That’s really useful.

They also do analysis, and it’s often really stupid.

Two themes keep cropping up:

1) Somebody in a suit says something stupid, and they treat it like it’s important

2) Some third-hand speck of data surfaces, and they construct around it an absurdly speculative narrative

The two surface together quite prominently in this story from last year, in which Lyor Cohen is quoted saying that vinyl will outlast CDs at about the same time as the news came out that vinyl sales had gone up and CD sales had gone down.

Let me explain why this is daft.

It makes me want to get a t-shirt that says “There’s no way of knowing. Why the hell are we even talking about this?”

That was a year ago. So what am I whining about now?

Well. Yesterday, they published a story entitled “I took one look at this graph and suddenly lost hope for streaming music” and it contains some even odder fun with statistics.

The graph in question looks like this:

 

(Original source here)

So Pandora and Spotify have got to the point where they’ve convinced customers to give them about a quarter of a billion dollars a year, but neither are profitable, and their losses have got bigger.

Now, if you had no idea how companies work, you might think this was because Pandora and Spotify were not able to work.

The relationship it’s easiest to see in this graph is that, particularly for Spotify, bigger sales means bigger losses. It’s like they can never win.

Except that’s not the important relationship, which is why people running companies don’t often look at graphs like this.

Companies are rarely profitable from the outset. A few are, and they fund their own growth while turning a profit for their shareholders. This is how my company works, because I didn’t have any expensive set-up costs, and my only marketing expense was some admittedly horrifyingly expensive business cards.

Generally, you need to spend some money to get the company to the point where it turns a profit. This is called “investment”. Digital Music News knows about investment: they keep publishing updates on how it’s up or down. They can count it, but they don’t seem to know what it’s for.

If you wanted to look at a graph that told you how you were doing in a company’s early phases of growth, you’d want to isolate the setup costs from the running costs to see if what you were doing was sustainable.

From the outside, that’s difficult, but if all you have is revenue and profit to go on, you can do something far more useful than looking at the graph above. You can look at the ratio between revenue and profit/loss. This is the profit margin and it will tell you if the company is heading towards profitability. You want it to be above zero.

Put like this, the situation seems to be getting better, rather than worse.

Of course, either of these companies might know exactly where they could shave off $20m-$50m in costs and make themselves profitable tomorrow, and they might be sensibly investing in further growth before they sit back and let the cash roll in. Alternatively, they might be as close to profitable as they’ll ever be.

We just don’t know, and there’s no point in talking about it.

Daft analysis like this isn’t just pointless, though. It’s misleading because it sells the lie that the answer will come if you stare at the runes for long enough.

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